In all of the details of wedding planning, it can be easy to lose sight of why you said yes to your best friend in the first place: the marriage itself. Here are 6 questions to ask before you get married.
Every couple has been there. A piece of advice I received when planning my own wedding was to ensure we spent the same amount of time considering our marriage as we did considering our wedding. Did the radio of time spent planning reflect this good intention? Definitely not. Did I get caught up more in what questions to ask at our wedding venue than questions to ask each other in our planning? Absolutely.
But every time we found ourselves slipping into stress, we reminded ourselves of why we are saying yes in the first place: our upcoming marriage. Below are a few questions for you to consider to help you get excited, lay down stress and focus on the beauty of your marriage!
What is your top love language?
The 5 Love Languages are an excellent way of discovering how you most naturally give and receive love, and how you can best love your future spouse. There have been times in my marriage where my husband has taken the bins out, cleaned the kitchen and fixed the car, and while I am always thankful for all of these things, I don’t feel personally loved by them. This is because his top love language is Acts of Service, whereas mine is Quality Time. The other languages are Physical Touch, Gifts and Words of Affirmation.
Why not discover yours and your fiancé’s love languages to learn how you can show them how loved they are in a way that’s unique to them?
What is your default communication style in conflict?
Conflict in marriage is normal. By understanding how each other reacts in conflict, we can discover how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
Some people are like rhinos. They cannot let conflict linger and want to find a resolution head on.
Other people are like hedgehogs. They naturally shy away from conflict and would rather resolve things quietly.
While there are healthy and unhealthy expressions of both, there is no right way to resolve conflict. But by understanding how your fiancé naturally responds, you can communicate in a way that seeks to solve a problem together, rather than butting heads or shying away from resolution.
What traditions were important to you growing up? Do you want to continue them?
You and your fiancé will have grown up with and experienced different traditions. From these, you may have unknowingly built expectations of how things ‘should’ be or shouldn’t be. Why not plan a date night with your fiancé that explores different traditions that are important to both of you and discuss whether you want to continue, stop or adapt them at all?
Do you have a faith and would you like any future children to be raised with any/no faith?
This is one of the biggest questions to ask your fiancé. For people with faith, continuing and raising any future children into a faith may be incredibly important. Even if you’re not planning to have children soon, or perhaps already have them, give yourself time to discuss this and how you might handle any potential issues if your beliefs do not align.
What are your biggest dreams for the future?
This is SUCH an exciting question! If money and time were no issue, what would you do with your life? What dreams scare you? This isn’t a conversation where you have to set goals and make steps towards them, but instead is a space to get excited and see if any of your future dreams align!
If you are feeling bogged down by wedding details, this question will also help you to think about the bigger picture of your marriage and life together!
What do your wedding vows mean to you?
The wedding vows are my absolutely favourite part of any wedding day. These words hold so much meaning and last way longer than the excitement of a wedding day. Spend some time looking over your vows together and asking yourselves what they mean to you. If you are getting married in a church and using traditional vows, ask the church leader to unpack some of the meaning with you.
I am so excited for you as you not only plan your wedding, but prepare for marriage. Marriage Preparation Online courses are an excellent way to explore some of these questions in greater detail. If you’re interested in exploring more, head to the Marriage Preparation Course.
I am a Wedding Planner that helps you to find peace in your planning process. Want to find out more? Read some of my story.
